Thank you, people who say the phrase, “I really shouldn’t” for letting me know you’re about to eat a lot of my fries. 

Thank you, clapping, for being high fives that you keep to yourself.

Thank you, movie trailers, for always alerting me that the film I’m about to watch takes place “in a world…” 

Thank you, goldfish, for teaching me the responsibility for caring for… oh wait, you’re dead. 

Thank you, Vespas, for being a Harley Davidson’s  metro-sexual brother.

Thank you, rumors that say Diddy is dating Kate Upton. You make a great couple, and an even better celebrity name, D-Kup.

Thank you, blowing out candles on a birthday cake, because there’s nothing I want to eat more than desert my friends spit on.

Thank you, Anthony Weiner, for considering a run for mayor in New York City. I’ve seen your latest poll, which is why I stopped following you on Instagram.

latenightjimmy:

Want to win a signed 3D printout of Questlove’s face? Here’s the deal:

Last night, tech expert Joshua Topolsky stopped by the show and brought a MakerBot Replicator 2. It’s a 3D printer that creates real plastic models of the things you scan. One of the awesome printouts Josh made was a bust of Questlove’s face, and because we love our Tumblr followers so much, we’re giving you guys the chance to win it! 

All you have to do is reply to this entry in the box below with the phrase “I want to win!” before 4 PM today (April 12, 2013) and you’re entered! Click here to read the rules. 

So, who wants to win?

I want to win!

Thank you, souvenirs, for being a warm reminder of a time I wasted $10 on a souvenirs.